“As the sound of the playgrounds faded, the despair set in. Very odd, what happens in a world without children’s voices.”
Children of Men is exactly the sci-fi classic that you know you should watch but you still haven’t gotten around to it. It’s been on our Munch “to-watch” list for a while, and we finally decided to experience everything it had to offer.
For those of you who aren’t familiar, the premise of Children of Men is that those who could be childbearing are no longer fertile, and so no new babies have been born for nearly 20 years. We took it upon ourselves to look up some home remedies for infertility and work it into a meal that should whip those ovaries into shape and get you pumping out babies left and right! If anything, Mommy Bloggers are great at coming up with all sorts of creative solutions to whatever issue you may have, and we found plenty of options in our quest for this infertility busting diet. We call it the Children of Munch Diet, and we can say with confidence that this diet definitely will or will not help you get pregnant.
Having trouble having a baby? We’ve all been there. We put together a meal that is almost guaranteed to get you pregnant. It’s a 1-2 punch of fertility-enhancing ingredients and oh-so-sexy aphrodisiacs that’ll have you itching for “dessert” by the end of it.
Our first course was giant white beans with fennel and lemon. The lemon and white wine sauce provided a mild and refreshing backdrop to the distinct flavor of the fennel, which is not only a source of plant estrogen (love it), but extracts of it are used as ingredients in natural libido-enhancing remedies (yes, please). Fennel is also credited with helping to regulate menstrual cycles to decrease the negative energy caused by having those pesky period symptoms (get out of here negative energy!). This flavorful and satisfying appetizer is sure to help boost your fertility for those who are trying to become pregnant, but that shouldn’t stop those who are helping them from eating it – we are sure this could boost something in you!
Our second course was Sriracha salmon with both main ingredients serving as a double whammy of aphrodisiac power. With a dinner like this (perfectly tender Salmon dressed in a fiery sauce), you’re guaranteed to get lucky tonight. The capsaicin in the Sriracha has been proven to increase the fertility of child-bearing rats so why not get a double helping of this bad boy and be on your way. Yes, this dish was relatively simple, but you don’t want to load up on a heavy dinner before getting down to business.
To seal the deal on an assuredly romantic evening, our dessert was pomegranate brownies with cacao nibs and sea salt. Literally, everything in this is engineered to get you in the mood for love. Pomegranates contain a vitamin that protects sperm and eggs from damage, although we don’t know why you would be hurting them… Either way, pomegranates will protect whatever you’ve got, so we are golden. And the actual brownie portion was rich and fudgy with the added benefit of the sexy superfood boost of chocolate.
Looking back on our menu, you might say that we leaned a little too far into the sex part of baby-making and were a little light on the fertility treatments. But you also don’t know if we just made all this stuff about plant estrogen and libido-enhancing remedies up. That’s the Internet for you!
Still not ready to bone? Don’t worry, we made sex coffee. Yes, we actually made a drink called sex coffee. You may not realize that your daily cup of joe is actually an aphrodisiac that can give you the energy you need to bang, and not much later have a baby on the way. Sex coffee also has maca, cacao, honey, coconut milk, and cinnamon, the last of which is capable of increasing a man’s blood flow down there by up to 40%. 40%! We have been handing out bottles of cinnamon to all of our friends. Bottom’s up!
And yes, we realize we usually make alcoholic beverages, but being that you are well on your way to being a parent after this Children of Munch Diet, you know that alcohol is bad for babies and bad for your libido. Hellooooo depressants. This movie was also far too serious for our usual libations, so we all sat in an uncomfortable, platonic silence while we sipped our sex coffees.
🥃 Drink when Clive Owen has a drink in his hand.
🚬 Drink when Michael Caine has a blunt in his hand.
🔴 Drink when there is blood on the lens.
Children of Men, we were constantly surprised by how prescient it ended up being. With themes of nationalism, tight borders, and anti-refugee sentiment, it’s easy to forget that Children of Men is a 12-year-old movie.
Children of Men is supposed to be a hard movie to watch. Like most great sci-fi, Children of Men is not a story about the future, but rather, a way to reframe our view of current events. You can look at the journey and character development that Theo, played by the immensely talented Clive Owen, goes through as a mirror of what the audience is supposed to get out of the movie. Theo starts out the movie jaded and willfully shuts out the atrocities around him, ignoring news articles about terrorism and avoiding eye contact with the refugees he walks past on his way to work. He is unwillingly dragged into the thick of things by Julianne Moore (who could really turn down a request from Julianne Moore?) and experiences the injustices that refugees go through firsthand. This section of the movie, like the time we live in today, is bleak, but Theo is able to find hope. With the birth of the child at the end, the chaos has a brief reprieve. As the newborn is paraded through the city, both sides stop fighting to acknowledge the hope and possibility of the future, and by the end of the movie, we have hope that the world can get past the ugly state it is in and start to heal.
André: Powerful. Children of Men was not an easy watch, but I don’t think a movie has to be easy to watch to be a good movie. I appreciated that Children of Men had an important message at its core, and how effective it was at showing the effects of nationalism on outsiders. I also appreciated the technical artistry of the film. The long takes really added to the tension of the film and were some of the most impressive I have ever seen. I don’t see myself revisiting Children of Men anytime soon, just because it is so long and so bleak, but I’m definitely glad I watched it.
Leanna: I didn’t love it. Throughout the film I just found myself thinking, “I am not having a good time.” Children of Men definitely had an interesting premise and some of the cinematography was truly impressive. The long panning shots during some of the action sequences were mesmerizing. But ultimately, the movie dragged on too long turning the scenes that were meant to build the most tension into boredom.
Ben: 65%. This is one of those weird scenarios where I respect the talent, effort, and skill of everyone involved in the making of Children of Men, but maybe with some time having past from when this film came out and the general state of the world, the moments and beats of the film come off a little heavy-handed and inarticulate. Add in a heavy layer of religious symbolism, and you start to lose me. This doesn’t take away from the effectiveness of the tension during the last thirty minutes, a powerful collection of scenes that most likely are defining moments in cinematic history. I wish I had liked this film more than I did, but it lacked any sense of depth in my experience.