30 Apr

Grownvengers: Joe Dirt

Life’s a garden, dig it.

– Joe Dirt

Here we go again: part three of the Grownvenger’s saga. Why bother catchin’ up on halfhearted sequels to Captain America and Thor when you can watch some of America’s best B-list and C-list comedians in their prime? This week, we watched Joe Dirt, David Spade’s only notable movie ever.

The Food

For many of these movies, we had to spend lots of time discussin’ what meal would match well with the movie. With Joe Dirt, we knew right away that we had to make dirt cups – or, as we like to call ‘em, Dirte Cups (pronounced Deer-té). We added an e to the end because it sounds cool.

While it might have been truer to the spirit of Joe Dirt to make our dirt cups out of Snack Packs, we decided to class it up a bit and make our own chocolate mousse with coffee and Kahlúa. We didn’t mess with the Oreo and gummy worm because you don’t fix somethin’ that isn’t broken, ya hear?

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The Drinks, Attempt #1

Now, usually we like to make nice, fancy cocktails for Munch, but this time we wanted to make the trashiest cocktail imaginable, in honor of the legend Joe Dirt. Luckily, we didn’t have to work too hard on this cocktail because the good folks at Anheuser-Busch sell the world’s worst cocktail-in-a-can in grocery stores nationwide. I’m talkin’, of course, ‘bout the Budweiser Chelada. Described as, “The perfect combination of smooth refreshment and savory flavor,” a Chelada is Budweiser mixed with clam juice and tomato. We are actively filing a truth-in-advertisin’ suit against Anheuser-Busch to get them to change their description to “the ill-advised combination of bad beer and cheap clam juice.” Our lawyer thinks we have a good shot, and we may even be able to get them to change the name of their drink to Cheladon’t.

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The Drinks, Attempt #2

After barely bein’ able to stomach the Cheladon’t, we decided that Joe Dirt deserved better, so we tried makin’ up our own cocktail. We decided to take inspiration from Joe Dirt’s role as a janitor and mix up a lil’ somethin’ we like to call Dirte Toilet Water. It is the perfect combination of smooth White Lightin’ Moonshine, copious amounts of lemon (to add that squeaky clean freshness) and Sprite. We also added a dash of bitters to give it that pink tint you might find in a rusty toilet and topped it off with a lemon slice floater. Despite the unsavory name, we found this drink to be quite tasty and plan on servin’ it at our next party, mostly because we don’t know how else we are goin’ to finish the jar of moonshine.

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The Rules

  1. Drink anytime someone says Joe Dirt.
  2. Take two drinks anytime someone says Joe Dirte.
  3. Take 2 – 4 ibuprofen in the mornin’.

Our lawyer has been on our asses recently for some of the “claims” we are supposedly makin’ on this blog. So she sat us down and watched us write this next line: We do not take any responsibility for the state you may or may not be in if you follow our drinkin’ rules while watchin’ the seminal classic film by Columbia Pictures® and Happy Madison™, Joe Dirt®™. We love our lawyer, but she can be a real stickler for the law and liability. Who would-a-thunk?

The Movie

We went into this movie not quite knowin’ what to expect, and for the most part, we were pleasantly surprised with its quality. Unlike many comedies, which use up all their mediocre jokes in the first act and lose steam as the movie chugs along, Joe Dirt packs in tons of jokes all movie long. The dialogue is quick and surprisingly witty. So many subtle jokes were packed into each exchange that it would take a few seconds for us to unpack and appreciate it. In that way, it was almost like watchin’ an Aaron Sorkin film, if Aaron Sorkin could be convinced to make a movie about hillbillies. (We may or may not be stretchin’ the facts on this one.)

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Plot-wise, this movie was all over the place. The basic setup is Joe Dirt sittin’ in an interview, narratin’ his life story as we watch it play out on the screen. Joe Dirt is a classic unreliable narrator and tends to exaggerate his stories. The plot jumps to a completely different settin’ every 15 minutes or so, all while weavin’ the larger narrative about Joe Dirt findin’ his identity. He’s essentially a white-trash Forrest Gump.

Before we get any further in the review, we have to warn you that there is a huge spoiler coming up. Don’t scroll any further if you don’t want to see it.

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Spoiler alert: Joe Dirt’s car has a huge spoiler.

Okay, now that that’s out of the way, the rest of the review will be relatively spoiler-free.

Unfortunately, the movie was not without its flaws. First of all, there were way too many poop jokes. Even worse, there was a consistent air of homophobia present throughout the movie, and one scene specifically made us all rather uncomfortable. For those of you who have seen the movie, you know what we’re talkin’ ’bout: the Buffalo Bob scene. It was entirely unnecessary and shoehorned into the film much like the gay joke in Top Five. The other jabs basically amount to “somethin’ is a lil’ gay,” and you should laugh simply because of that. The jokes in both movies didn’t add anythin’ to the plot and alienate parts of their audience, so why bother includin’ them? If there are any comedy writers reading this, take note.

Anyway, let’s end on a lighter note… A trailer was released last week for Joe Dirt 2!

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Some people out there have been waitin’ for a sequel for over a decade, and even Joe Dirt got excited about it.

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Sorry, Joe Dirt 2, but the best joke in the trailer was that the movie was goin’ to be distributed exclusively through Crackle, which means viewin’ will be limited to the 15 – 20 people in the world who have a Crackle subscription.

(Our lawyer reviewed the post and suggested we add in this next line too: We think Crackle® is a fine service with a huge, devoted, and quite possibly loving subscription fan base, and we are sure they are ecstatic that they have acquired the rights to distribute such a huge and potentially Oscar-nominated movie.)

The Reviews

Andre: On a scale of 1 to The Avengers, I’d give it a solid Iron Man. For me, this movie was the best of the Grownvengers bunch. While Top Five was by all means a better film, Joe Dirt was the funniest Grownvenger’s movie. I went into this adventure lookin’ for some solid comedy, and finally found it with Joe Dirt. I loved the quippy dialogue and the continuity of the jokes. I’m the kind of guy who has watched Arrested Development more times than I can count, so I’m clearly a sucker for that stuff.

Leanna: 4 shots of Moonshine out of a blackout. I had high hopes for Joe Dirt largely because I specifically remember one Evan Madden who I carpooled with in grade school being unbelievably excited for its premier back in the day (Shout out to you, Evan, if you’re reading this!). It wasn’t bad, but the homophobia was really off-putting for me in an otherwise moderately hilarious film. Out of the Grownvengers series, I know where my favoritism lies, and it’s in an upcoming review, so I’ll hold my applause until then.

Ben: 45%. Joe Dirt closely follows a lot of Happy Madison productions blue print for “put borin’ white name as name of movie, fill it with a lot of random jokes, make sure to exhibit a focus continuity through tiny sub-plots and then rake in the money.” And while Joe Dirt is an expected quantity, I found myself at least partly enjoyin’ it over the other character background stories we have watched thus far. That is in no way me signin’ off that this is a good movie, it is not, but I at least enjoyed it more than the others.

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